If you want to know what to talk about with a girl so you will TURN HER ON and she will either THROW herself at you, or virtually guarantee that you could go for the kiss (or more) and score with her, then it’s essential that you learn this easy trick to say exactly what women like to hear.

Just How Much Does “Fun” Turn Women On?

According to hundreds of women surveyed, “a man with a good sense of humour” is among the top ten qualities women find most attractive in a man. Read through almost any hot woman’s profile on Facebook or Online Dating sites and you’ll likely find that the word “fun” appears a LOT.

You can really notice just how powerful fun is by looking around a club and noticing who all the girls crowd around (the most FUN guys!)

In other words, being fun is POWERFUL stuff for attracting women.

When it comes to escalating sexually with a woman, being fun is CRUCIAL. Fun guys who can make women laugh… excite them… and be playful, are able to get away with almost any sexual advance because they bring out the fun and sexy side of a girl.

Avoid Boring Conversation Topics

On the other hand, if you talk about very serious stuff when you meet a woman, then you’re going to bring out that serious, no-fun side of her. If she’s in a serious mood, then chances are you ain’t gettin’ no play!

OR she will lose interest in you and look for a guy who loves to have fun… like me

These are serious topics you should avoid:

• Death
• Deep philosophical conversations
• Politics
• Problems in your life or hers

When women are out being social, they’re out to escape from all that heavy stuff. So don’t bring it up.

What To Talk With a Girl About

To make your conversation more fun in a way that turns women on, use “fun talk” to bring up more exciting conversation topics.

For example, lead the conversation to things that are FUN or EXCITING or talk about getting into ADVENTURES and CELEBRATING.

Like this:

• “What are you CELEBRATING tonight?”
• “Have you been getting into any ADVENTURES tonight?”
• “Anything EXCITING happening tonight?”
• “Let’s get this PARTY started!”

Just talking about these things begins to bring out the adventurous side in women. This is more interesting than talking about the weather, and these topics often lead into getting together for social events.

Remember to say it PASSIONATELY. Put emphasis on the fun words and say it with enthusiasm because your passion will be felt, and transfered to her if you are energetic about it.

Sometimes when the conversation starts moving towards a serious topic, it’s a good idea to gently steer the conversation in a more positive direction so everyone can keep having fun. You can “snip the thread” by saying, “So anyways… What kind of FUN stuff do you have planned tonight?” (or any of the examples I listed above.)

If you come across a girl who is not interested in your fun-loving attitude for some reason (she had a bad day? she’s tired? who knows!) just remember this:

No one is holding a gun to your head to keep talking to her.
You can walk away at any time.

Smile and politely exit by saying, “I’ve got to be moving on. Talk to you later!” then you can go find another hot girl who loves your fun-loving attitude (remember, most women list a fun guy as one of the most attractive qualities in a man so odds are the next girl you talk to will go CRAZY for your fun conversation.)

BONUS Confidence-Building Exercise:

The next time you find yourself with an opportunity to talk to a hot girl, start the conversation by focusing on FUN and SOCIAL topic using the questions I listed above.

For example, if you are in the line at Starbucks and a hot woman is standing next to you, you can start a FUN and SOCIAL topic by saying, “So, do you have anything FUN and EXCITING planned for tonight?”

Some of the best places to try this are:

• On the bus/transit sitting beside a girl
• At a bar or night club
• Shopping for groceries (standing in line, shopping beside her)

Give it a try and let me know how it goes!

Now, if you got some value out of this post, all I ask is that you leave a comment below.

To get the Social Attraction Course so you can make women text you that same night for booty calls… click here

If you’re a single man, New Year’s Eve is one of those holidays like Halloween or Valentines Day when men and women across the globe are hooking up like MAD! Except it’s even better because of the new year’s eve tradition to kiss someone at midnight.

If you know How To Kiss A Girl on New Year’s Eve, then this night is like a all-you-can-kiss buffet! However, if you’re like most guys…

• You’re paralyzed by anxiety because of all the pressure to have a girl to kiss at midnight
• You’ve got tons of competition from other guys on New Year’s Eve
• You come across as needy because you’re trying to hard to find a girl to kiss

I’m going to give you a solid gameplan on How To Kiss A Girl on New Year’s Eve that will take all the pressure off so you can DEVASTATE your competition. In fact, I’m going to show you how to get more than one kiss on New Year’s Eve!

First, let me tell you about…

Why Most Guys Buckle Under The Pressure To Kiss At Midnight

The real problem with the New Year’s Eve kiss is that there is so much pressure to get this kiss because if we don’t we think that makes us losers.

And guess what… the pressure to kiss someone at midnight is far WORSE for girls! Girls are under so much psychological pressure to kiss a guy on New Year’s Eve because they can’t bare to live with themselves for the rest of the year knowing they couldn’t even get a guy to kiss them at midnight on New Year’s Eve. This is why women show up to New Year’s Eve parties ready to hookup with the first guy with half a clue who talks to them. They’re even more afraid of rejection than we are, so on this special night every girl is much more open, friendly and less-likely to reject you for anything on New Year’s Eve.

After you clear out your new years eve anxiety (I’ll show you how), all you need to do to take advantage of (in a good way) everyone’s excitement is start conversations with women by asking a few fun questions, then immediately take it in a flirtatious direction. Remember, girls show up on this unique occasion ready to get down, so if you start flirting right away, you’ll be making out with these girls faster than ever before.

Just follow these three easy steps:

1. How To CRUSH New Year’s Eve Pressure

Some guys are so consumed by the pressure to kiss a girl at midnight that they come across as needy, desperate and clingy to every girl they talk to. Even though these girls are ready to hook-up with any guy that has half a clue, neediness and desperation are about the only things that can screw it up.

In order to become more confident and less needy, simply move your focus from getting a kiss at midnight… to having TONS of fun. Take your mind off the pressure and move it to something more positive that will boost your confidence by giving yourself a pep talk. Talk about how successful your New Years is every year (even if it hasn’t been in the past.) Like this:

“I LOVE it how on New Year’s Eve girls are always competing over who gets to kiss me at midnight. I have to test drive all of them first, and usually they hound me for the rest of the night, but it’s all GOOD because I have so much FUN doing it!”

It might sound a bit crazy, but this pep talk will build you up with unstoppable confidence. And while you’re doing it, you’ll forget all about the makeout pressure because you’re not focusing on it anymore. Go through your pep talk before you go out, then do it again whenever you find yourself feeling desperate for that midnight kiss.

And one thing to keep in mind that will relieve a lot of the pressure is this: There’s no rule that says you can’t make out with girls before and after midnight. Is it a big deal if you don’t get a kiss at midnight but you made out with four girls before and after midnight? Of course not.

2. How To Start Fun Conversations With Girls

The transition to go from meeting a girl to making out with her on New Year’s Eve happens in the blink of an eye because girls show up to New Year’s parties expecting to make out with a guy.

Start by greeting every girl with, “Happy New Year!” This is why people are out, so it’s expected to walk around wishing everyone a great year, and girls will wish it right back to you.

Now that you’ve got her attention, this is where it gets interesting…

3. How To Flirt With Girls

Remember: these shifts from meeting a girl to making out with her happen in a matter of seconds. Take the conversation in a flirtatious direction by immediately by asking these playful questions:

• “Did you have a sexy 2009?”
• “Do you have any sexy new years resolutions?”
• “Isn’t it crazy how everyone is on the prowl tonight making sure they won’t be alone for the kiss at midnight? I’ve had my ass grabbed like 15 times already!”

This is a good way to set a playful, sexual tone to your conversation.

Once you’ve set the tone,  go for the gold. No matter what she says, even if this doesn’t make any sense at all, respond to whatever she says by saying:

“Are you trying to tell me you want to makeout with me at the countdown?”

Girls love this playful kind of banter and flirting! It’s so much more fun than regular conversation to them. If she doesn’t makeout with you right then and there, she will definitely be intrigued by your playful attitude and you’re off to an amazing start.

A few other ways to say this are:

• “Did you just say you want to makeout with me at the countdown?”
• “Are you trying to say you want to practice making out with me so you’re ready at midnight?”
• “Are you trying to tell me you think I’d be a great kisser at midnight?”

If they say no (rare) they’ll at least laugh. You haven’t lost anything at this point because all you have to do is take it back to step #2 by saying, “I’m just messing with you. So do you have any sexy New Years resolutions?”

When you bust out this kind of hilariousness, expect to get more than just a “kiss” on New Year’s Eve.

Now, if you got some value out of that post, all I ask is that you leave a comment below.

How To Skip Directly To Exchanging Phone Numbers With A Hot Woman In A Way That Will Have Her Texting YOU To Get Together That Same Night

The most simple and effective technique you can use to create a wave of attraction that will have women chasing you around the room at any bar, club or lounge is to walk around and give cheers.

Giving cheers is a way of giving out fun energy, and fun is a natural aphrodisiac to women. Just have a look at most women’s profiles on Internet dating sites and you will see the word “fun” popping up over and over again. When women are asked which qualities they find the most attractive in a man, “a guy who is fun” always makes in the top 10.

Obviously fun is very important to women, so I think learning how to have it could really improve our dating lives. Giving cheers is probably the best way to practice your fun skills if you are starting your social life from scratch.

The way to give cheers in a way that makes a powerful impression that can be broken down into three steps:

1. Put a Big Smile on Your Face.

Before you walk over there, take a deep breath and put a big, friendly smile on your face. A warm smile will make your first impression twice as effective and will disarm even the coldest ice queen from rejecting you. In fact, walking up with a big smile is often enough to not even have to say anything at all.

2. Get Their Attention

Almost everyone at these parties are already in a conversation, so it’s natural that conversations get interrupted all the time. People generally won’t take it personally if you are interrupting in a friendly way because everyone is there to meet people and socialize. Interrupting is okay as long as you do it in a polite and friendly way that gives them the chance to acknowledge you first.

The best way to interrupt without being rude is to move into their field of vision then extend your hand out to cheers them. It’s important that you get into their physical space. Think of it as though your best friends were having a conversation across the room and you walk into the circle to join them. Extend your glass into their field of vision so that they know that you are trying to cheers them, that way they can’t ignore you. Sometimes it’s a good idea to say “hey guys” in a comfortably loud enough voice while you extend your hand so that they hear you, too. As long as you commit to getting their attention first, they won’t be likely to ignore you.

DO NOT make the deadly mistake of approaching from behind and yelling “Cheers” before they have acknowledged you. That will only startle and frighten them. Being the guy who abruptly startled them is not the kind of first impression you want to leave with somebody.

3. Commit 100%

When you give cheers, look the person in the eye with a big confident smile that shows you are certain that they will cheers the back. By showing any self-doubt that they won’t give cheers back, they will show that same hesitance back. Even if you don’t feel that confident, extend your hand all the way out there within a few inches of their glass or bottle, then tap your glass into various. I know it sounds like some weird hokey nonsense, but the more confident that you cheers them, the more confident they will cheers you back. When you try this new will see what I mean.

If you do this enough times in one night, you will create what a wave of attraction throughout the room called “The Mayor Effect.” In my book, “Social Life from Scratch”, I go into depth on how to use this technique and others to create The Mayor Effect without being ignored that will have women coming back to talk to you later and asking for your phone number. If you are being ignored by the girls you approach at bars and clubs, you NEED to read this:

How To Pick Up Women In Nightclubs

Go out and have some fun tonight! Spread some fun energy and give cheers! Then send me an e-mail and let me know how it goes.

In this video you’ll learn how to avoid making the CRITICAL MISTAKE that most guys make that prevents them from meeting twice the number women they could be meeting.

On the same day he read my new e-book, Lucas was already getting unbelievable results with women:

Lucas writes:

I got a sneaky kiss out of her and an exchange of details. She texted me 15 minutes after leaving wanting to hang out again as I was super fun and social. I replied the next day and we continued to chat throughout the day… Now I apparently have a ‘date’ on Wednesday. I call it a ‘date’, but in all honesty I’m taking her to a chilled jazz bar where a bunch of my friends will be chilling out and bringing her to hang with us.

Here’s the whole story of how Lucas applied the POWERFUL social skills taught in my Social Circle From Scratch e-book:

It was Friday afternoon and I had a dose of the Friday flu waiting for the day to end so I could hit the gym and eventually make my way out to meet up with all my friends. Time was going terribly slow and all my customers during the day were boring, rude or simply wasting my time. I duck out to grab a bottle of water and come back in to find this absolutely stunning girl talking to a colleague of mine. To be honest, talking is an overstatement. She was standing there, looking amazing while he awkwardly served her. The shop was empty so I walked back over to the counter with a simply “How’s your day coming along for you?”. She dove into a story about how she had her iphone stolen that morning and how nothing was working for her and she was really unprepared for the evening. Naturally I quizzed her on her plans for the night. It so happens that she was throwing a party at a pretty sweet club, she even had a DJ from the the UK as the headline act. We spoke about partying for a while and she gave me a few complimentary tickets for her party with a “I hope you can make it.” BAM! That was all I needed.

The afternoon continued and eventually I was kicking back having a few beers with some friends before moving onto our first club of the night. I mentioned that I had some complimetnary passes, but at the same time told them it’s only an option and we should meet up with the girls we said we would to start with. Slowly we made our way over to our first stop of the night, a friend was at the door so he hooked 6 of us up and we walked into a pumping bar. The music was awesome, there was lots of beautiful people around and I was in my element as I was with a super social and fun group. I hit the bar, ordered a few drinks and joined my friends outside. Almost immediately, a girl came over to stand awkwardly next to me lighting up a cigarette. It was obvious that she came over in the hope of me talking to her. “You know those things will eventually kill you” I say jokingly. We kick it off, she ends up being an advertising executive who is here with a few creepos from work, saw me and bounced over cause I looked fun and social and would save her from work people. The conversation was cool and she even went in to buy a round of drinks for myself and my friends that I introduced her to. It became obvious that she was a bit of a creeper as she started following me around and would attempt to hold my hand as I walked away. I had had enough and decided to bounce, make some more quick friends and head on over to club no. 2 for a bit and check out how my earlier acquantences party was turning out.

My friends decided to stay for a bit longer and we would meet at club no. 3. I walked over to no. 2, got in without a problem and headed towards the bar to be confronted by Angie with a massive hug. “I am really surprised to see you! I thought you were being nice saying you were coming!” We had a few drinks, she introduced me to a bunch of her gorgeous friends and I departed giving her my contact details if she wanted to meet up when her party was coming to an end.

I arrived to club no.3 to meet up with my previous friends and a bunch of gorgeous Uni girls that had come from another club to meet up with me over there. The girls met me outside and I walked in like a pimp. I introduced both groups, mingled a little, and hit the bar for a drink. At the bar was possibly the single most gorgeous girl in the club. She was standing by herself, her body language was reserved and it was obvious she wasn’t having a good time. I sparked a conversation with a simply how’s your night coming along. She went on a rant on how her friends were killing her mood and all she wanted to do was party. I told her I just finished the semester and am down to party, so she is lucky we met. I ordered a couple of shots as we continued to mingle. She is also studying law, a little younger than me, but super cool. Our drinks arrive to her surprise. At first she was reserved but then took it down with me and then we hit the dance floor. I introduce her to all my friends, “you know everyone here” is what she says. The social value is continually building. I was introduced to her friends, tried living things up a little. True to her word, they were in no mood to party and adamently dragged her arse out of there. I got a sneaky kiss out of her and an exchange of details. She texted me 15 minutes after leaving wanting to hang out again as I was super fun and social. I replied the next day and we continued to chat throughout the day… Now I apparently have a ‘date’ on Wednesday. I call it a ‘date’, but in all honesty I’m taking her to a chilled jazz bar where a bunch of my friends will be chilling out and bringing her to hang with us.

As for Angie, I will probably be partying with her this weekend. Her and her friends want me to join them out one night.

Since the raving debut of my book, Social Circle From Scratch, I keep remembering TONS of powerful techniques that I forgot to include in my book.

Fear not, loyal readers! I will be sharing the best of the best with you, starting with a simply powerful conversation starter that will have you charming groups of beautiful women.

Tonight I was out with a friend, being the Mayor Of The Party, as usual, and one of these techniques popped into my head.

It’s so powerful. It’s FOUR easy-to-remember words you can pull out at any party that will have you engaging women confidently in a way that is cool and attractive.

The thought came to me when I suddenly found myself alone at a club when my friend was dragged home by a girl he met that night (poor guy!) So I looked around the party I was at and saw a group of fun, sexy girls laughing and having a great time. All I did was walk up and say, “You guys look cool.”

(Yes, I know they are girls and I said “guys” but it’s just a casual way to greet people around here.)

That was it. Nothing fancy, just those four words.

What happened next is THEY started asking ME all kinds of questions, “What’s your name?” “Where are you from?” “What do you do?” etc.

The conversation pretty much took care of itself at that point.

The reason WHY this works is because it’s a very honest approach to making friends, and people can sense that genuine, authentic, and friendly vibe. Women LOVE guys who have the courage to just walk over without a fancy shmancy line and be cool enough to introduce themselves in this very classy way.

It didn’t end there! I did it over and over again, then next thing I know BOOM I had triggered “The Mayor Effect” (I share many powerful techniques on HOW to create “The Mayor Effect” in my book Social Circle From Scratch.)

By using Sexual Subcommunication and The Art Of Proposing (two more techniques from my book), two of these girls who were best friends tried to kiss me, then the “alpha female” leader of the group insisted that I take her number (even though earlier she told me she had a boyfriend!)

*Sigh* Just another day in the life.

The next time you’re in a social environment — whether it be a networking event, a party, or a sport activity — give this a try. Approaching from this place of sincerity will revolutionize your social life.

Try it and let me know what happens!

How often do you make goals for yourself and actually follow-through with them?

As men, the primary form of currency that gains us respect from other men is our word. When you are known to be “a stand-up guy”, “a solid dude”, or “a man of his word”, you are recognized as someone who can be trusted. In this world it is hard to find good people who can be relied upon, so being reliable is a major asset in your social and business life.

Do not underestimate the power of your word! I’m going to say that again just to emphasize how important this is…

Do not underestimate the power of your word!

As The Wu-Tang Clan says, “Word is bond!” In other words, your bond with other people is only as good as your word. Flaky people usually have other flaky friends, and by surrounding yourself by people like that, you’re basically inviting terminates to wreak havoc on the structure of your social network.

Although we might have an image of who we are as a reliable person, our minds have an amazing ability to distort reality. We often see ourselves the way we want to, instead the way we are. Maybe we are reliable on small things, but when push comes to shove, are we truly dependable?

We make claims about all the big goals we’re going to accomplish, we make it our story and tell everyone about it, then we abandon all our goals and rationalize it by telling ourselves, “I would have done that, but I didn’t really want to do that anyways.” We change over time, but if we look at our goals from just a few months ago, how drastically have they changed? If you answered “drastically” then you really must hear my experience…

I’ve been a goal-setter since I was very young, but even though I’d have longs lists of all the things I was going to do, there’d always be goals that I skipped, until eventually I’d tell myself, “I never really wanted to do that anyways,” and strike them off the list.

It wasn’t until one day when I was talking to a business associate, someone who I have a great deal of respect for, who sat me down and explained to me that in business the most important element of any relationship is our word. Without our word, we win short-term gains and lose on greater opportunities. Without our word we tarnish our reputation. Without our word we limit our growth so incredibly to the point that we virtually are never growing at all. Suddenly, a cloud was lifted from my eyes…

Although I saw myself as reliable and committed, I was often copping-out on my commitments. It wasn’t that I was lying about my commitments. In fact, in the moment I’d commit to something, I truly believed myself that I would do what I said I’d do. However, over time my mind would come up with creative was to escape my commitments and rationalize it somehow.

My relationship with myself has not been totally reliable, and it was reflected in my relationships with others. As the saying goes, “the way you do one thing is the way you do everything.”

As this truth started to reveal itself, it became clear that I had to change to grow. I decided that I’m going to weigh every single word I say before making commitments. I’m going to stop making promises I can’t keep and offering things I don’t have. I’m going to be a man of my word.

It hasn’t been long since that day, but in the days that have passed since then, everything has changed. I wake up and instead of telling myself, “I’ll just snooze and do it later”, I jump out of bed enthusiastically and say, “I’ll do it now”, because I know I’d be lying to myself otherwise. When a friend invites me to a party, if I really don’t want to go and don’t plan on going, I don’t say, “I’ll be there!” then break the plan because I scheduled three other meetings at the same time, I just don’t commit if I’m not certain.

With this new perspective, I know that if I make a commitment and break it, I’m just lying to myself. This new-found wisdom has led me to step up to a lot bigger challenges and do instead of talking.

Based on these experiences, I’d guess that if you are failing to keep commitments to yourself, you are probably flaking out on commitments to others, too. Do you find ways to rationalize your failure to accomplish your goals? I invite you to try this exercise because I think it could help you:

Think of that one goal you keep saying you’ll do and keep avoiding. The last time you actually had the opportunity to act upon it, what was the creative excuse you made to avoid it? Write down all the different excuses that you’ve used.

Now, with all these excuses in front of you it probably seems so obvious that you’re only kidding yourself. So how are you going to actually take action on this goal? Here’s a great way to break that pattern: The next time one of these excuses comes up, ask yourself, “Am I inventing things to avoid the important?” (credit: Tim Ferriss)

Once you start to get in the habit of catching yourself making excuses, you will gain awareness of yourself. Integrity is doing what you say you’re going to do — that’s it. Catch yourself in the act and you are building integrity.

Give it a try and share your results in the comments!

They say that relationships require compromise to work. That’s true.

…but they didn’t tell you _what_ to compromise.

The kind of compromise that kills attraction happens long before a relationship ever begins. It happens when men compromise themselves to get laid.

How are guys compromising themselves? By telling themselves things like…

_”She has a negative attitude, but that’s the trade-off for a girl this hot.”_
_”She has a drug problem, but she’s probably cool when she’s sober.”_
_”She’s a drama queen — but she’s sooo HOT!”_
…and the list goes on.

It sounds like a great strategy: overlook her flaws so they don’t get in the way of you and her sleeping together. So you do, and suddenly the attraction is gone and you can’t figure out why.

_”I did everything she asked. I changed myself for her. Why isn’t she attracted? What woman could possibly resist this offer?”_

Why wouldn’t they want a guy who is an easy catch?

…Because **quality is what you work for.** People simply don’t place much value on what they don’t work for or get for free.

So how do you become a catch? It starts with defining yourself.

* **Pick The Right Woman.** Get out a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle. Title the left side Must Have, and title the right side Turn Ons.

Write down two Must Have qualities that any woman must have before you even consider dating her. (The more specific the better!)

Do you only want to date models and actresses? Do you only want to date women who have healthy relationships? Then overlook dating any woman who doesn’t meet that criteria.

Write down three Turn Ons that any woman has that you really find attractive, but it isn’t what makes or breaks the deal. For example, maybe you really like blonds, but a hot brunette still has a chance with you.

* **Deal-breakers.** Like when you wrote your preferences down, except on the left side write Deal-Breakers and on the right side write Pain in the Ass.

Things that are a Pain in the Ass might annoy you somewhat, but they’re only minor inconveniences. If a woman does anything you wrote under Deal-Breakers, you have to walk away.

I know, it seems crazy to start rejecting any woman who crosses a line, especially if she’s really attractive. You might even get laid if you let a few deal-breakers slide!

…but the reality is that settling for mediocrity only gets you more mediocrity. Most guys who settle for relationships below their standards never advance until they come to the point of deciding to no longer accept the deal breakers.

So all we’re doing here is taking a shortcut that is going to save you years of grief and put you on the path to finding the right girl. Skip all the hassle of dating drama queens and psychotics. Your ideal dating life only happens when you accept what’s good enough for you.

* **When in doubt, say no.** When you give this a try and start filtering out women, you might find that maybe you’re being too strict or too lenient.

I’m a believer that it’s better to err on the side of too strict, rather than too lenient. With some practise you’ll learn when you’re over-reacting or under-reacting, but in the meantime, just say no when you feel like you might be compromising yourself.

Two minutes later you realize what you could have said and you’re kicking yourself because you know the moment is gone.

An hour before it happens, you think of what you want to say, but when the moment arrives your delivery of the words comes across as contrived and pretentious.

The words you’re holding back and the words you wish you’d said are all that stands between you and your authentic self.

Say it fucking now.

Say it now because for every decision you make, right or wrong, you are gaining experience.

Say it now because in ten days or ten years none of this will matter.

Say it now because authenticity isn’t about what you say or how you say it, but when you say it.

Say it fucking now.

A few minutes after smiling at each other across the room, I was sitting at her table. She asked me, “So what is this?”, pointing to the band’s logo on the hoodie I was wearing.

“Oh, that… They’re a band my friend is touring with. Actually, I’m not a fan at all, but I got this for free. Actually, I don’t even like it. Actually, I don’t even know why I’m wearing it, really.”

Suddenly I found myself reflecting back on the past couple years all in that moment. It’s been years since I stumbled upon this pickup community. I sometimes forget where I was, and how I got here.

When I moved out to Vancouver, sold everything I owned, said goodbye to my friends and lovers, it got easier for me to keep giving up everything.

As proficient as I’ve become in giving up, I recently decided to take it a step further. Why not give everything up? Not in some kind of Tibetan monk way (or maybe it is?), but I decided that if there was anything about my life that I wanted to change, why not give myself a clean slate to become whoever I want?

So I asked myself…

**What if I had no attachments to anyone or anything?**
_How would things be different?_
_What would I do with my new freedom?_
_What would I say, do, act, wear?_
_Where would I hang out?_
_What will my purpose in life be?_
_Where will I live?_

And so on…

What I realized when I was talking with this girl is that when we make radical transformations we go through a phase of being uncertain about who we are. We’ve shed our old skin, and that skin was all that we knew, so we’re still trying to come to terms with the person we’re becoming.

Right now, I’m working on being secure with the fact that I’m insecure in my own identity, and that’s my own issue. It’s all part of the process, and I’m becoming more aware all the time.

Now that I’ve gone through this, reinventing myself is something I will make a regular habit. Maybe once a month, maybe once a week, maybe everyday.

Ah, Valentines Day…

As far back as I can remember, I’ve never once had a girlfriend on Valentines Day. Maybe I’m just lucky.

Today is no exception. My roommate said to me, “So, I guess you’re going out tonight, huh?” I gave him a dumbfounded, blank stare. “…because it’s V-Day?”

“Oh… that. Nah.”

This is that day of the year when everyone who is single becomes painfully aware of how single they are. They see the flowers, the hearts, the happy couples on dates, the chocolates, and suddenly they rush out to the bars, they log on to the dating sites, they whip out their phones and start dialing, and they seek out anyone to fill that void of loneliness — if only for one day so they have the right to say, “I wasn’t alone on Valentines Day!”

That neediness is not really helping us, is it? The only people who seem to benefit from those gaping voids in ourselves are the chocolate stores, the flower shops, the jewelry stores, and everything else that people consume on this day.

Even when we manage to “get lucky” and land ourselves a new girlfriend to fill that void, it’s only covering up an issue that will keep coming up: _we feel incomplete without a woman._

I’ve watched many of my friends go through life rebounding back and forth from relationships, and whenever they’re single they’re the most insecure and depressed people I’ve ever met. They can’t talk to girls the way they used to when they were in a relationship because all that extra confidence they got from having a girlfriend is gone. Until they get back into another relationship, they’re just a shadow of the people they’re capable of being.

The worst is when a guy gets out of a unhealthy relationship, then jumps right back in because the prospect of being single just isn’t as appealing as being in a relationship, even an unhealthy one.

So where do we go from being single? Should we start “slaying a few dragons to get to the princess”? That’s one way to go about it, but I prefer not to venture down battletoad lane just for the sake of not being single.

What I’d like to propose is going to make everyone of you “WTF!” right out loud, but if you are willing to take this leap it could bring you to a level of fulfillment and wholeness that will enrich every interaction you have: **stay right where you are.**

Before you close the browser and condemn me forever, hear me out:

When you learn to be happy being single, you won’t be going into a relationship looking for someone else to fill the void in your life (and typically that person is also incomplete and looking for you to cover up their misery). Instead, you’ll meet new people and be able to give out good energy instead of relying on others for it.

Maybe you can go running with the bulls, travel across the world, learn fencing or write a book. Work on yourself and take some time off to grow as a person.

If you rely on having a woman before you can grow as a person, the fate of your personal evolution lies in the hands of things outside your control. Take that control back. When you follow your purpose (and as David Deida says, “No woman should keep you from your purpose” _(loosely paraphrased)_), you’ll grow as a person and become more and more attractive.

> If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.”
> ~ W. C. Fields

Sometimes we try something new, and when we don’t see immediate results we are quick to condemn and say, _”Bah! This doesn’t work.”_

Maybe it was that new diet you tried, and after a week your weight hadn’t changed so you gave up and said, _”Bah! This diet doesn’t work.”_

Maybe you read about a new pickup technique, but it didn’t get the results that you were promised so you threw your hands up and scowled, _”Bah! This technique doesn’t work.”_

Sure, some things are just a waste of time, and that’s just the way it is, but when it comes to pickup, it helps us to be thorough and experiment before we condemn.

Before you condemn, ask yourself the following questions:

* **Did you stick to the plan?** You’re out meeting women, putting this great new approach you’ve learnt to the test, and everything is going great. Suddenly, this urge to do things that old way pops up. _”Maybe,”_ you think, _”it will be different this time. I know the guru said not to do this, but I’m going to try anyways.”_ Naturally, everything falls apart, then you rush home to the online forums and post, _”That guy’s technique doesn’t work!”_

If you want to get the most out of what a guru teaches, stick to the plan. First, get comfortable at doing things the way you’ve been taught to do them. After that you will be able to innovate and reach an even higher level.

* **Are you committed to making this work?** There are few techniques you can try and expect to work for you right off the bat. So, when you are out having a good time and experimenting with what you learn, hang in there until it works. Of course, if you try something thirty times and keep getting poor results, it is probably time to try a different approach.

For any new general style of pickup, I’ve found that a good policy for experimenting is to commit to a [30-day trial](http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2005/04/30-days-to-success/) where you follow that style, and only that style. Suspend all disbelief for that time, and if it doesn’t work by then, look into a different approach.

*Remember:* the experts that teach this stuff aren’t responsible for making this stuff work — it’s up to us. Some of it takes time, some of it works instantaneously, and sometimes we just have to move on and try something new.

What if you had ten girlfriends?

It would be great at first…

You never sleep alone and have lots of variety.
You cross that off your _Things To Do Before I Die_ list.
Your women give you back rubs, do your laundry, and feed you grapes and fan you with a giant feather while you lay in bed.

…But what’s the cost?

Now that you have it, the thrill of the chase is gone.
You never hang out with your friends, enjoy your hobbies, or do all those things you once loved doing.
Your boss is on your back because your work is suffering.

*\*sigh\**

_”Pimpin’ ain’t easy.”_

…Or is it?

There is an easy way to build an amazing lifestyle full of harems, threesomes, long-term relationships, or whatever floats your boat if we keep one thing in mind:

**The means do not justify the end.**

Going on fifty dates, mercilessly begging for hours, putting your life on hold, or getting sidetracked from the important things in life does not justify itself because it can get you laid.

Our goal here is to attract and keep women in only the most fun and enjoyable ways — _anything less is unacceptable._

So, if we we’re starting from scratch here (no girlfriends, no social life, etc.) what can we do to get started?

1. **Stop calling women.** This is how to free up 99% of the time that most so-called players give up in the pursuit of women. Taking numbers and constantly pursuing women to setup meetings, spending hours chatting on the phone, and creating all this extra work for ourselves is not our aim.

Our aim is to meet in person with women who are interested in us and enjoy our time together. Do we really want to chase down people who are going to waste our time? Of course not! We leave our lines of communication open to people who want to meet up, and if they don’t call, that’s fine because we never had to give anything up other than our number.

There’s a lot that can be said about this way of living, and if you want to hear it from an expert on the topic, checkout [Brent Smith](http://www.absolutepowerdating.com/) and Dave M’s podcast at [attracthotterwomen.com](http://www.attracthotterwomen.com/amember/go.php?r=541&i=l0).

2. **Screen faster.** Is she hot? That’s a good start. Is she intelligent? Bonus! Does she have a negative attitude? _BZZT!_ Move on. Does she want you to take her on three dinner dates before she thinks about sleeping with you? _BZZT!_ Move on.

Sure, some of my criteria in a woman will differ from yours, and not any little thing should be a complete show-stopper, but if she is going to create drama or waste your time, _move on!_ Unless you develop the habit of walking away fast when your criteria isn’t met, you might find yourself stuck with a harem from hell.

3. **Meet her on your terms.** Cancelling plans, driving for hours to chauffer or meet women, and general bending over backwards to get laid is a headache no man needs, and ultimately an attraction killer.

Let’s keep it simple: meet women where you chose, when you chose.

Bring her into your world. Let her know she’s welcome to join you and your friends at your favourite lounge. Give her directions to the cosy hole-in-the-wall cafe across the street from your home. Make it a relaxing night at home, and tell her to stop by if she feels like it (and to pickup some beverages along the way).

It’s time to stop jumping through hoops! Besides, it’s pretty much unsustainable to have more than one high-maintenance girlfriend.

We can start redefining what success with women is by attracting (and keeping) beautiful women without sacrificing everything to get there. Let’s make pimpin’ easy — it doesn’t have to be difficult.

Once upon a time [I approached forty women and asked them if they'd like to sleep with me.](http://blog.reyalp.net/articles/2006/11/21/demonic-confidence-day-19/)

It took me months of conditioning to build up enough confidence to do that confidently.

…And it only took me a couple weeks to lose it all.

Whenever life got busy I had to drop my social activities, and my confidence would fade away. Then a couple weeks later I’d be back at the clubs eight days a week trying to regain it. With enough consecutive nights out, I’d get it back, only to lose it again when I had no time to go out.

What a vicious cycle it was!

As I started to wonder why I was losing my momentum, I was noticing things about my lifestyle.

By day, I was just an another jackass, not exceptionally friendly or outgoing. My social interactions were limited to my existing friends, the same people I saw every day, or the waitresses and cashiers who were required to talk to me.

By night, I was out partying, hitting on girls, making new friends, and being the life of the party. I knew all the staff and all the regular bar stars at my favourite clubs and couldn’t walk down the nightclub strips without running into people I recognized.

Every day I’d wake up as a different person, and every night I’d go to sleep as another person.

The solution was so obvious!

I didn’t have to do five-thousand more approaches. What would be the point? I’d done so many I pretty much knew what to expect.
I didn’t have to watch 23 more seminars. I’d seen far too many as it was.

If I ever wanted to keep that momentum, there was only one way to bridge the gap:

I had to stop spending all that time trying to “get into state” and start living my life in that state, constantly.

I had to take the risk of being just as outgoing in a grocery store, on the street, on the bus, or at the gym, as when I was when I was out the club.

Even if it seemed weird and unusual, I wanted to become the kind of person who broke all social barriers.

For me to keep my momentum and bridge the gap between the different lives I was living, I decided to change a few things:

1. **Speak to everyone.** This is how I stay “in state” pretty much all the time. It’s been as simple as saying “how’s it going?” to the cashiers, waitresses, people in line, at the gym, on the train, and all people who come across my path in my daily life. Not only was this change the trick to preventing the loss of all my momentum, but it has lead to tons of opportunities that allowed me to build a massive social network.
2. **Lead a more interesting life.** For me, I had to give up going out eight nights a week and get back in touch with all the fun hobbies I had before I let the game take over my life. When I picked up my hobbies again and spent more time with friends, I was meeting naturally just by doing fun stuff and rarely ever going to a club. The biggest difference came from simply asking myself what really makes me happy.
3. **Be social over seductive.** Being socially-connected is a characteristic of a naturally social guy, and from my experiences I was not having success building a social network by trying to sleep with every girl I met. When I focused on having fun and making friends, I stopped walking into every social situation thinking about how I was going to seduce women, which was the exact barrier holding me back from so many great social interactions.

It took a while, but I eventually adopted all these behaviours. It was easy to practice because I no longer had to go out eight nights a week, and I had to fall back in love with all my hobbies, hang out with all my friends, and have a good time.

At first I didn’t want to become a more social and less aggressive guy because I felt that being more social meant I was being an “excuser” or that I was going to fall into the “just a friend” category, but it’s not really like that at all. The reality is that when I’m having a good time and not just looking to pickup chicks is when I meet the most women. Of course, if I use this as a technique to pickup girls it doesn’t work… but that’s a whole other blog post.

I’m convinced that fashion is a key element of what pickup artists need to know.

Now, for some of you, the F-word makes you cringe, shiver, and scream in terror. For a minute, try to bear with me and let’s just assume, for the sake of this article, that fashion is really, really important stuff.

Ok, so why is it important? Well, I’d say mainly because you can attract women simply by dressing a certain way, even if you don’t have the seduction skills to pickup the morning paper off your porch.

For some guys, poor fashion is the exact reason they spend hundreds of dollars a years on tissues and lotion instead of condoms.

Some dudes I’ve known dress so awful I want to claw my own eyes out when I have to look at them. They’ve paid hundreds of dollars to take bootcamps, studied every pickup method under the sun, and they tell me they have a “sticking point with kinoing” or something.

They show up to the club dressed like a convicted child molester who just stepped out of a time capsule from 1953. Women are repelled and run in horror. Their friends pretend they don’t know them. One or two people take pitty on you and put some spare change into their cup, mistaking them for a street person.

It’s really bad. Some guys I know personally would benefit so much just from at least dressing normal. It’s not necessary to learn everything about fashion (I hardly know anything really) or to wear all the latest and greatest cream of the crop, but sometimes it can really hold guys back.

Anyways, I just read [Brad P's Fashion Bible](http://reyalp.bradp510.hop.clickbank.net/) and that got me thinking about all that stuff. The book is not about all the stuff I’ve heard before like match shoes with your belt and other crap like that, it’s about the psychology behind fashion and how it causes attraction. [Check it out](http://reyalp.bradp510.hop.clickbank.net/), it’s really amazing.

As [Daniel Rose](http://www.sexgodmethod.com/) states in his phenomenal ebook [The Sex God Method](http://www.sexgodmethod.com/), _Sex Is The Ultimate Method of Attraction_.

Yet what most guys are learning about attraction involves 59-step routines, creepy hypno-patterns, wearing silly outfits, and generally trying to create attraction with techniques that are highly over-complicated.

What teachers like [Daniel Rose](http://www.sexgodmethod.com/) know is that one of the best ways to attract and *keep* beautiful women is to be able to give them levels of sexual pleasure like they’ve never experienced before. Though many guys realize this, [Daniel Rose](http://www.sexgodmethod.com/) points out that most guys are focusing on learning more techniques to physically stimulate women when really the key to being a better lover lies in stimulating her mind:

“It should be obvious that the key to becoming great in bed does not lie in ways to stimulate the body; it lies in ways to stimulate the mind. While physical technique has its place, what will really drive a woman crazy is knowing how to arouse her psychologically. Combine this arousal with basic physical technique, and you have a recipe for great sex.”

What I really liked about this book is that the method itself is a very simple model that is built upon four fundamental elements: Dominance, Emotion, Variety, Immersion. It’s a very natural approach to developing sexual confidence because it doesn’t involve learning a step-by-step method, rather it’s about learning to apply these elements in a balanced way. There are also plenty of examples and guidelines in this book on how to develop mastery in these areas.

Probably the greatest value in this book is that the focus is primarily on psychological stimulation, _not_ physical stimulation. Most sex advice marketed to men is focused on physical techniques, and it’s rare to find a book that talks about ways to stimulate a women’s mind that when combined with _basic_ physical technique will give her more sexual pleasure than she thought possible.

I’d highly recommend this book to any guys who are interested in learning how to give women the most intense sexual experiences of their lives (I’m guessing that’s most of us). Also, this book is an ace for guys who are new to pickup (especially virgins — preparing yourself is an excellent idea) because gaining sexual confidence is not just a huge asset in the bedroom, it’s a huge asset to your overall game. [Order this book _now_](http://www.sexgodmethod.com/) (I bought the paperback and keep it on bookshelf to read through occasionally — it even has a sexy picture of a naked girl on the front!) and your women will be truly thankful and completely hooked on you.

> After waking up, I leap out of bed, almost breaking my neck in the process. I frantically rush to turn on my cellphone to check for messages. Panic sets in as there are no messages after having my phone on for twenty-five seconds. Suddenly, relief washes over me as I hear a beep notifying me that two of the fifteen girls replied to my three paragraph SMS I sent the evening before. One of the girls seems like a promising prospect as we have been texting back-n-forth for over two months now. Even though my hands have become mangled claws from constantly calling, texting, emailing and reaching out to girls in every way possible, it will all be worth it if I can just add one more notch to my belt this week!
>
> Since my life is entirely devoted to pursuing women and getting numbers, naturally I put on some clothes and head straight to the mall to sarge. On the way there, I see fifty hot girls across the street so I sprint through traffic without hesitation to tell each one how beautiful she is, getting honked at by drivers and barely escaping death (not to do so would make me an _EXCUSER!_)
>
> After spending eight hours straight walking in circles around the mall regurgitating canned routines to girls, security kicks me out so they can lock-up. I’ve approached so many women today that I broke my old record — I can do a thousand now. Most of the girls told me they have boyfriends, others make up strange excuses and walk away, a few laugh, a few run; However, I manage to get heaps of numbers — looks like it’s going to be another busy night of calling and texting girls!

Sounds silly, huh? The funniest part is that at one time that was my life…

Things finally changed for me when I stood back and saw that lifestyle for how hilariously pathetic it was. Chasing women all day is not all it’s cracked up to be, no matter how many approaches are done, no matter how many numbers/dates/lays are got. Being able to say “I worked hard to get to where I am” is not a virtue, it’s just poor time-management.

There are all those stories out there about guys got to where they are _The Hard Way™_ after spending years busting their backs trying to shape their lives around their women, until one day they finally either got so frustrated and exhausted with the old way that they sought out a new, easier way of being. Suddenly those guys discovered that by doing less, they got more.

Do you really want to do things _The Hard Way™_ like I did? Or are you ready for things to be *effortless*?

The good news is that you don’t have to go down that road I did (unless you want to give up any semblance of meaningful lifestyle that you might already have). It can all be avoided by asking yourself this one question: *What really makes me happy?*

Not surprisingly, for me the answer had nothing to do with getting a hundred phone numbers a day or dating a dozen women at once. In fact, the answer was far off, completely unrelated — it’s no wonder it took so long for me to find! (Actually, it was more like finding it _again_.)

For me the answer was replacing all that time I spent pursuing women with a meaningful lifestyle. It was getting back to going out to have a good time, instead of going out to pickup girls. It was rediscovering all my passions in life I’d left behind. It was pursuing the dreams in life that I knew would make all the difference.

The irony of it all is that aside from removing the stress and frustration that comes with making pursuing women a full-time job, living life for myself radically changed everything because women now pursued me. I’d finally given them the opportunity they wanted to chase after me! It has been a wild ride ever since, but that’s another story…

*What really makes _YOU_ happy?*

There is a lot eBay we can learn from eBay about social dynamics:

“When perfect strangers, who are thousands of miles apart, trust each other to conduct transactions, it’s a compelling testimonial to the power of everyone in the eBay Community. At the core of this power is the strength of eBay’s Community Values, which are built on the bedrock that ‘People are basically good.”

Source: http://pages.ebay.com/community/chatter/2004december/poaou.html

Sure, there are scumbags out there, but generally when I am meeting new people, it’s extremely rare that I ever meet someone who will tell me to “fuck off” or disrespect me for no reason whatsoever. Yet I hear guys say things like, “I barely said anything, and she threw her drink in my face!”

Those things almost always happen for a reason. There are rare exceptions when someone is truly in the wrong place at the wrong time when someone else with a bad attitude decides to take out their aggression on the next person they see. Yes, that happens sometimes, but those experiences don’t have to clutter our judgement and install negative assumptions in our minds.

Many guys who are out learning to socialize and develop confidence are carrying around the baggage from those past experiences and projecting those negative beliefs onto the people they meet, and like a self-fulfilling prophecy everything they assume becomes true because they are scared and bitter.

Ask yourself the following questions:

• When another man approaches the group of girls you’re talking to, do you immediately assume he’s there to steal your women, OR do you assume he is out to have a good time and socialize?
• When the waitress brings you your bill and you see a $100 charge for something you didn’t order, do you assume she’s trying to rip you off, OR do you assume she just made an honest mistake that she will gladly fix?
• When your friends don’t return your phone call, do you assume they don’t respect you, OR do you respect that they would love to hang out with you but they’ve been busier than usual and haven’t been able to return calls.
• When you make plans to go out on a Friday night, do you assume it’ll be another night of getting shot down and rejected by nasty, mean people, OR do you assume everyone will be friendly and easy to talk to, love your personality, and women will approach YOU wanting to get to know you?

When I noticed a pattern in my life of habitually being wrong about my negative assumptions, I began to replace them with positive assumptions, and sure enough my assumptions are almost always right. After all this, I’ve truly come to believe that people are generally good.

I propose that rather than assuming the worst of people, justifying rejection and safely sitting at home avoiding people for fear of that one bad experience that left a bitter taste, try taking the risk of assuming the best. Even if your new positive assumptions are wrong once in a while, when you begin living a life without fear and allow yourself to enjoy people and making new friends, the payoff you’ll gain is much more valuable.

My best friend is a guy who is always saying the most brilliantly clever and funny lines. A while back he said something that stopped me dead in my tracks and I was paralyzed with LAUGHTER…

As I was talking to him, I said, “I was just wondering…” Before I could even ask my question, he interrupted me with, “Yeah, it’s huge.” Next thing I know I was laughing so hard that I couldn’t even remember the question.

It dawned on me that what he said would be great to use when speaking with a woman.

Women are always asking questions. Often they are interpreted as “shit tests”, which is something that a woman says/does where what she says is completely irrelevant, rather the way the man REACTS to it is important.

In light of this always happening when interacting with women, wouldn’t it be great if there was a way to charm her before she could even ask the question? If you made her giggle so much that she couldn’t even ask the question and keep a straight face? Can you imagine the attraction this would create if you had already passed her shit-test before she even asked it?

Women are often asking these CHALLENGING questions because they are ATTRACTED to the man. When they’re asking the man these questions, it’s often an attempt to throw themselves out of their aroused state by having you argue with them, say something lame, or being predictable and boring.

Take these examples:

> Her: “I was just wondering…”
>
> You: “Yeah, it’s huge.”

Typically these challenges from women can be questions like “how many women have you slept with?” or “how many women are you seeing right now?” Most guys might answer logically or in a predictable way, but women HATE that. They are asking you these questions to throw themselves OUT OF STATE.

Here’s another example:

> Her: “Let me ask you something…”
>
> You: “The answer is no, you’re not getting into my pants tonight.”

Women are dreaming of finding men who have confidence, humour, and unpredictability. You will have just conveyed that all in a few words if you do this with the right timing!

Give it a try. I’ve tested using this countless times since I was lucky enough to hear it, and it works amazingly!